Setting Boundaries

If you struggle with boundaries, you’re not alone.

A lot of people were raised to prioritize harmony. To keep the peace. To smooth things over. To be

“easy.”

So when you start saying:

“I’m not okay with that.”

“I need some space.”

“That doesn’t work for me.”

…it can feel uncomfortable. Even selfish. Even wrong.

I tell my clients often: boundaries aren’t punishment — they’re protection.

They’re not about controlling someone else’s behavior. They’re about clarifying what you will and won’t

participate in.

When we don’t set boundaries, resentment builds quietly. And resentment doesn’t protect relationships. It

erodes them.

Psychotherapist and author Lori Gottlieb says it beautifully: “They aren’t walls, they are doors. They

don’t shut people out, they show people how to come in.”

That distinction matters.

A wall says: You’re not allowed here.

A boundary says: Here’s how to be in a relationship with me safely.

Healthy boundaries actually create more intimacy, not less. They remove guessing. They remove silent

score-keeping. They remove the buildup of unspoken frustration.

If someone reacts strongly to your boundary, it doesn’t automatically mean the boundary was wrong. It

may simply mean the dynamic is shifting.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care.

It means you’re trying to care about the relationship without abandoning yourself in the process.

That’s not selfish.

That’s emotional maturity.

McKenna Freund, ALMFT